


moonshine

by allechant



Series: inamorata [1]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allechant/pseuds/allechant
Summary: the Guardian has fallen, and the only thing that can save her is moonshine, true love, and a painful sacrifice.
Relationships: Hatsune Miku/Kagamine Len
Series: inamorata [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833109
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from FanFiction.net, re-written. no change to plot.

"Moonshine. The stuff of life, they say. Strong stuff…illegal stuff." The man took a long draw on his cigarette, a grey cloud of smoke rushing out to engulf his face.

Kagamine Len choked. He had never been a smoker, nor did he intend to pick up the habit. His grandfather was one, and the old man was dead now - he passed when Len was just a toddler. Len would prefer not to end up the same way.

"You really want to work here, kid?" The man crushed his cigarette in an ashtray, the orange embers still glowing. "You ain't going to have no future, coming here. No one ever lasts long." He leant forward, peering at Len. Len swallowed and nodded. His throat was dry. They had nothing left to lose.

They needed it, the moonshine, the _alcohol_ he hoped to get out of this job. They needed its intoxicating properties. Without it, everyone would be doomed - not just him and his family, but also their entire village. They would all burn because of his failure.

The man still looked suspicious, but Len refused to budge - unless he got the job, he would not leave this shack. Finally, the man sat back in his chair and nodded. "I see fire in your eyes, boy," he croaked, his voice low and gravelly. "You ain't leaving till you get what you want, whatever that may be. The drink? The money?" He laughed. "You can get whatever you want, but at what expense? But it's not my business to care. You start work tomorrow - now get out of my shack." Len hastily thanked him and scampered out of the room, his heart racing.

He had achieved his goal. Now he just needed to find his way out of this forest and make it back to his village. They would be pleased to know about his success, and perhaps they would no longer clamour for _her_ destruction. Though, what if they insisted? He stopped, suddenly seized with dread - what if despite his efforts, the elders still wanted to get rid of her?

Yes, she was dangerous. She had a power none of them could possibly comprehend, and the elders, strict and unmovable as they were, had never liked uncertainty. But he couldn't bear the thought of her being killed, or whatever the elders might have in store for her. The chill of fear ran down his back, and he broke into a run, cutting through the long grass to get back home.

He wished people could see how gentle she was, really. She was perfectly safe around him, which was why _he_ was the one tasked with watching her. Everyone knew she wouldn't hurt him, but that had led to some unpleasantness too - many a time the elders had used him as a bargaining chip, and it had reached the point where he was sick of the theatrics, the screaming and the sobbing, the feeling of a metal blade cold against his throat.

Sure, the elders wouldn't really kill him, and he was under strict instructions to appear as terrified as possible, but even she was beginning to grow aware of the ruse. Hence why he was here now, trying to get his hands on moonshine. The elders vaguely stated that it would help to control her, but they didn't bother explaining further.

Whatever their reasons, he hoped the alcohol wouldn't hurt her. Underneath the manic depression and the awesome power she possessed, she was the gentlest soul he ever knew and he couldn't bear to see her in pain. She had suffered enough, trying to get used to the memories of the previous Guardians. From what she shared, not all those memories were pretty. She doubted her suitability for the role - she didn't want to rampage through the village, hurting people and destroying property, but sometimes the memories overwhelmed her and she lost control.

The village was within sight, and he felt his feet slow. From this distance, the place looked peaceful and undisturbed, a haven for lost souls. Smoke curled picturesquely from straw thatched roofs and the community was surrounded by holy trees, protected by the Guardian. They were a blessed people, chosen by the gods to live sheltered lives away from other people. His venture into the human world, as commanded by the elders, had been the first time anyone left their village in a long while.

They were self-sufficient, and they knew of several inventions of modern man. The gods shared these inventions as they saw fit, like telephones and lightbulbs and agriculture. Some people had their own tobacco plants, which they used to produce cigarettes. So, they chose to live an idyllic life away from plague and war, avoiding the rest of mankind.

Even so, the world outside was hardly different from his home. He did not see the wreckage and ruin of war, which the elders had warned him about. All he saw was the peaceful countryside and dark, sheltered forests. He wandered for days, looking for places hidden in the forest - he guessed that the people he was looking for might hide in the darkness - but even then it took a week before a group of bandits caught him and brought him to the man who gave him the job.

He took shaky steps towards his village. He could not dally out here any longer - the villagers could see long and far, and no doubt would have noticed his return. Drawing in a deep breath, he thought about reuniting with her and his spirits lifted slightly. After his meeting with the elders, he would be free to look for her, and perhaps for a while, he could just relax and be himself.

* * *

"So, he agreed to hire you, this man?" one elder rumbled, and Len nodded, lacing his fingers together and placing them in front of him. All three elders looked at each other, and he couldn't tell if they were pleased or not. Did he not fulfil everything they had asked of him?

"I've been asked to return tomorrow. It is not too far from here. Then I can learn the art of brewing moonshine, and we will no longer have to fear the rampage," Len spoke, breaking the silence. His village had no alcohol, which was strange since they had other vices - but the gods had decided, for some reason, to let them know about tobacco and not liquor. Who dared question the ways of the gods? His village was not very innovative, so all they ever did was just take direction from prayer.

It was only after repeated praying that the gods finally divulged the Guardian's secret - _moonshine,_ they whispered - and then the elders sent him on a journey to learn how to make this mysterious drink. In Len's opinion, none of it made any sense, but he knew better than to question his orders.

"Observe and learn from this man," another elder said, a quieter man than the first. "It is best if you could obtain a sample and let us study how it affects the Guardian. We do not understand why this alcohol might be her weakness, but the gods have spoken and they do not lie." The third elder nodded at this. Len simply bowed in acknowledgement, awaiting their dismissal, and the first elder waved his hand, giving him permission to leave. His meeting was concluded.

He left the House of the Elders with a sigh of relief, stepping out of the dim, musky building into the fresh sunshine outside. His parents were waiting for him, both looking worried, and he embraced them, glad to see their faces again. His little sister, Rin, was there too, though she seemed more curious than relieved to see him. "Len, where did you go?" she asked. "Miku missed you so much! She told me when I was playing in the forest."

His mother immediately shushed her. "Don't speak her name!" she hissed, glancing at the sky as though worried the gods would condemn them for the lack of respect. "She is the Guardian now, the conduit of the gods. She is no longer mortal like us. If you want to speak her name you must say it in full, and remember to show the utmost deference," their mother reminded Rin. The little girl nodded, clearly not understanding a word, but the older woman was so frantic that even Len felt conflicted. He knew that the Guardian was not frightening in the least, but the way everyone behaved would imply otherwise.

"I'm going to see her," he told his parents. His mother looked up from Rin, surprised. "I need to tell her that the elders found a way to help her - she would be so relieved. I'll see you later." He turned to leave, but before he could go, his father caught his elbow. He glanced back - his father, usually jovial and carefree, now looked uncharacteristically worn. His father had stopped smiling as much ever since Miku became the Guardian. There were lines around his eyes and mouth, a result of all the frowning he did nowadays.

"Len," he said in his deep, slow voice. "I know you are good friends but don't forget her status now, and the danger she poses. She could destroy us all on a bad day, and there is nothing to protect you from her wrath." He paused. "She's a danger to all of us, and your mother and I would prefer it," he glanced at his wife, who nodded ever so slightly, "if you didn't visit her as much. She is no longer like the rest of us - she is the Guardian, the High Priestess of the gods, and no longer an ordinary mortal girl."

His chest felt tight. "I can't just _abandon_ her," he argued. "I'm all she has left! Her whole life changed overnight. She was forcibly removed from her home and dumped in the grove - how can I just leave her alone like that?" His father looked a little guilty, but Len went on. "She's only been the Guardian for two months, but look at the amount of responsibility she has to take on. She's eighteen! I'm eighteen too, would you abandon me the same way if I became the Guardian?"

His parents both stayed silent. He sighed. "I'm going to visit her now. She has no friends left other than me, and I'm not going to be like the rest of you. I refuse to leave her on her own." This time, when he turned away, he was not called back. He followed the path out of the village to the holy forests that surrounded them on either side, a protective barrier of natural greenery. It felt like stepping into an entirely different world - sunlight filtered through the canopy, dappling the forest floor. Birds chirped merrily, and the sounds of humanity faded into nothing despite the forest being right next to the village.

It felt as though he stepped past an invisible border into the realm of magic and nature - and in truth, he knew he had. He was in the Forest of the Gods now, the realm of the Guardian, the land where her word, and only hers, held true.

"Len!" He heard a familiar voice call his name, and before he could react, he felt slender arms wrap around his waist. A soft, achingly _familiar_ person pressed herself to his back, her soft skin and her body moulding perfectly to his. He couldn't help but sigh quietly, a sound of longing. "How was your trip?" she asked, eager to listen to his stories. He pried her hands loose from around him so he could turn to face her. The Guardian Hatsune Miku, his childhood friend, someone he once _hoped_ would be more than a friend, and before this whole Guardian business, the beauty of the village.

The Guardian was someone chosen by the gods themselves to be their conduit and priestess. She was always a maiden of astounding beauty and pure heart. She oversaw the sacred forest that protected their village. The gods spoke to the villagers through her, though sometimes they came to the villagers directly via dreams. The Guardian was chosen the day she turned eighteen, but they were primed their whole lives to take up the role as it was always obvious who the next Guardian would be. She was always born with green hair.

The previous Guardian, Nakajima Gumi, served faithfully till the age of two hundred and eighteen before she gave up her position. It was the same day Miku turned eighteen, just two months ago. Gumi passed away after that, and they held a respectful funeral for her, sending her spirit to the heavens to reside with the gods. Len often wondered how long Miku would outlive him by. Decades, or even centuries perhaps.

"Let's not talk about that for now." He looked into her eyes - they were a bright green that reminded him of the flourishing forest around them. He could see his reflection in her gaze. "It's been a week since I left. How are things around here? Anything I should know about?" She smiled and pulled him to a nearby log, perching herself daintily upon it. He followed suit, making himself comfortable. It would be a long chat.

"Well," she began, "a few things happened, actually. Rin popped by plenty, she was so curious about why I was in the forest by myself." A flicker of sadness passed over her face, and it made his chest tighten. "The elders are constructing a hut in my forest. I'm not sure why, but I suppose as long as they are not using more wood than is necessary, I can leave them alone."

The hut interested him. He wondered what it was for. "It's so strange," Miku continued, "that in the past people just called me Miku and they always talked to me. Now, every time I come to the village, they keep their faces down and hurry past me. If they must speak to me, they address me fearfully as the Guardian. Am I really that frightening?"

"No, you aren't." He took her hands in his. They were dainty and small, just like the rest of her. Miku was an orphan his family adopted, born to their mysterious neighbour - the woman had been found wandering in the forest, and the villagers took her in on the condition that she would never speak of them to the outside world. She left without a word or a trace the night her daughter was born. Sometimes, Len wondered what happened to her after she left.

Since Miku was born mere months after him, he had known her his entire life, and they grew up as close as siblings. When he was a child, he did not know of the fate in store for her, but as he grew older he noticed the other villagers whispering about her hair and her beauty and her strange origins. Slowly, he realised she was marked to be the next Guardian, taking over the position of Gumi, who had served for two centuries by that point. Back then, he did not know what this entailed - he thought she would still stay with them. But when she turned eighteen, she was dragged away by the elders, and he realised how much everything would change.

She told him things about her life and her tasks. As Guardian, she carried out the ritual that was the formal induction into her role, and during the ceremony, she took in the Guardian's spirit - a conglomerate of memories that were meant to help her in her duties. But sometimes those memories overwhelmed her, especially Gumi's, who had witnessed the events of the First World War and was unspeakably scarred by the carnage men could inflict on each other. Sometimes, Miku said, her eyes dark, Gumi's soul would rise to the surface and attempt to replicate the atrocities she saw, and that was where all their problems began.

It would be so much easier if the gods could just remove this damaged portion of the Guardian's spirit, but they couldn't without destroying the spirit entirely. If that happened, Miku would have nothing to guide her, no knowledge on how to maintain the grove or protect the village. The elders decided this was too important to risk, so they told her to live with it. At first, she did, Miku really tried to suppress the previous Guardian, but she lacked the wisdom and experience to keep those memories down for long. And when Gumi's scarred past broke through, the entire village suffered.

Gumi never shared what she saw in the outside world. No one else knew either for, besides the Guardian who had no choice but to step out and protect their village from intruders, no one ventured out of their village during wartime. What Gumi saw haunted her for the rest of her life, and even now lingering residue of her trauma remained in her soul and memories. "I can feel her, you know." Miku's voice was small. "I feel her struggling to break free so she can cleanse the world of its evil." She shuddered, removing her hands from his. "You should go. I don't know if I can protect you should I lose control again."

"You won't hurt me." He leant forward, catching her chin with his fingers, turning her back to face him. She looked upset, but she didn't struggle or pull away. "I know you wouldn't. And you know it too. I think even Gumi wouldn't hurt me, you and I are too close." He pressed his forehead against hers, resting there with his eyes shut. She sighed, her sweet breath fanning against his face. "Don't worry so much. I've found a solution. The elders said it might work, and we'll try it once we can."

"So I've heard. They wouldn't tell me what it was," she answered. "Len, what if one day I lose control completely and Gumi takes over? What if I turn into a monster?" Her voice was filled with fear. "I'm terrified that the gods would abandon me. They can't always reassure me that things will work out. This is a battle I must fight on my own - they said I can suppress her, but I can't find the power to do so." Her eyes were lit with worry. "I don't think I can meet everyone's expectations. I'm no one special, not really."

"Are you questioning the gods?" She immediately shook her head, and he smiled. "Then you have the power. If they said you did, then shouldn't you believe them?" He caught her hand, and she stared at him, desperately seeking reassurance. "Trust in yourself, the same way I trust you - the same way the entire village trusts you." It was a small white lie - they believed she would kill them all one day - but he hoped it would help her feel better. She nodded slowly, a tremulous smile on her face, and he hugged her close, a gesture of comfort.

She returned his embrace, burying her face in the crook of his neck. He had never felt more at peace than he did now. If only things could be different - if only she was a normal girl, and not the Guardian. He thought they might have married and raised a family together. But she wasn't an ordinary girl, she was the voice of the gods, and she would live on long after he died. She would never be allowed to have a family, as it would distract her from her main duties. But he still dreamed at times of a different future.

He knew he could not be her lover. But at least he could be a friend, and at this moment, friendship was what mattered - the fact that there was one person who had faith in her. He would be that friend, then. He would never leave her.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're going to ruin it, boy," the man hissed, hitting him hard on his back. Len jumped, rubbing his back in annoyance, before turning to glare at his employer. The man drew on another cigarette - Len had yet to see him without one in hand - and exhaled in his direction.

He coughed, waving the smoke away. "When you collect the liquid," the man told him tersely, "you don't take the first drops. They be poisonous, you know. Enough to kill ya if you drink too much at once." He laughed to himself, though Len didn't find his words particularly funny. "You don't want to go around killing people with drink, do you, boy?" he rasped, patting his shoulder. "Keep going, get it hard and strong. Don't make more mistakes." He moved out of the room, and Len sighed.

He watched as the drops of amber dripped out of the tap, collecting in the barrel below. He understood the process now - the secret was the yeast, which fermented grains like wheat and barley and turned them into alcohol before the mixture was filtered into liquid moonshine. He could probably filter the yeast out himself since it always settled at the bottom after a while. Len was tempted to try some alcohol at first, but the elders warned him about its effects - and, seeing how his employer was like when drunk, Len decided he'd rather not try it anymore.

He continued watching the liquid flow into the barrel, which his employer would then keep in a shed, allowing the liquid to mature a bit before selling it to buyers. "Here, boy. Take this." The gruff voice returned, and Len looked around to face the man. He was cradling a dark bottle, made out of opaque glass so Len could not see the contents, but he knew what it was - he stared, surprised by the man's sudden generosity. The man laughed. "I'm in a good mood today, and seeing how much you've helped me these few weeks, I'd say this is a decent gift for you. Take some of your own hard work!" He presented the bottle with a flourish.

Len took it gingerly. "Take a drink. Go on, boy," the man said, and he hesitated. The whispered warnings and observations he made flooded him, and he stared vacantly at the bottle, his mind caught up in other thoughts. "What you waiting for?" The impatient voice broke through those thoughts, and Len looked up, nervous - the man looked annoyed now, something Len was accustomed to and did not like. He decided to take a small sip to appease his employer, so he uncorked the bottle and took a swig, completely unprepared for what would come next.

It was liquid fire. He could feel the moonshine burning his throat up to his nose and eyes, making his eyes water. He spluttered, coughing as he thumped his chest, trying to get the taste of alcohol out of his mouth. It was awful, strong and foul. His employer was laughing. "First time, eh? It's always like that the first time. This be strong, it is. But you'll get used to it when you're working for me!" And with that, the man left, chuckling at Len's expense.

Len stared at the bottle he held. Some of the liquid within had spilt while he was choking, and slowly, he corked the bottle. He didn't know how this substance was supposed to help Miku, but he was sure the elders were trying their best, and Miku had reached a stage where she would accept any help she could get. He decided to bring this home to show the elders.

When he presented the bottle with its liquid fire, the elders stared at it for a while, turning it over in their papery hands and swirling the contents. Just standing in the same room as the bottle when it was uncorked made Len's nose wrinkle, the smell was so strong. "You did a good job, child," one elder said, moving slowly to him and patting his back. "This moonshine is what the gods said would help the Guardian forget. People brew this under the light of the moon - most mysterious, is it not?" the elder mused. "We shall try this on the Guardian and see if it succeeds where ritual and prayer have failed!"

Len nodded and quickly excused himself, his mind in turmoil - he couldn't believe that something so wickedly strong could be the solution to Miku's problems. How would it help Gumi forget? It seemed more likely that the destructive, fiery nature of the liquid would further rouse her aggression and make her more intent on struggling to the surface of Miku's consciousness. He didn't want her anywhere near that moonshine, but the elders would never listen to him.

Should he visit Miku and warn her about the alcohol? But she would not listen to him. She was desperate for a solution - Gumi's mad whispers were driving her mad herself, and she could barely tend to the forests anymore. She spent every day, from what he knew, holed up in her forest home, trying to prevent herself from bursting out of her skin. He recalled the first time she tore through the village during one of her out-of-body episodes; twenty-eight people out of eighty were injured, and two houses were burnt to the ground because of her magic.

Miku would never allow herself to do that again, but Len feared that suppressing the alluring call of the previous Guardian was taking a toll on her health.

"Len!" His sister ran up to him, her large white bow flopping in her hair. Trapped in his thoughts, he didn't notice her until she tugged on his sleeve. Her blue eyes, identical to his, looked uncharacteristically solemn. "I saw Miku, she looks sick!" She pointed towards the forest, at the outskirts of the village, and Len froze. If Miku had come out of her forest home and she was so close to the village itself... "Is she going to set things on fire again?" Rin asked. She didn't sound worried, just curious, but Len understood what that would mean for Miku.

He sent his sister home with a few words, telling her to stay there until he returned, and he raced towards where Rin had pointed. He spotted the Guardian soon enough - she was hiding in the shadows of the forest, mere metres away from the nearest hut. Her green eyes, normally dancing with liveliness, were now glazed and empty. Her white dress trailed on the ground, making her look like a ghostly bride, back from the grave to seek revenge. She raised her arms, lips muttering something, and he saw electricity crackling between her hands.

He had to stop it. He had to wake her up. Bravely, or perhaps stupidly, he threw himself at her, both of them going down. He caught her in his arms and turned so that he cushioned the fall - even though this wasn't the Miku he knew, he still couldn't bear the thought of her getting injured. The fall winded him, and Miku remained on his chest, completely still. As he caught his breath, she looked up at him, and his heart sank as he saw the look on her face was not one of recognition, but one of cold rage. Again, she raised her hands, but this time there was no spell or incantation - she simply wrapped her fingers around his neck and tried to strangle him.

He choked, instinctively clawing at her hands as her fingers tightened, cutting off his air supply. Her eyes glowed with fury. " _How dare you_ ," she hissed, her voice strangely reptilian. " _How dare you, puny mortal, interrupt the High Priestess while she communes with the gods? You shall pay with your miserable life!_ " And he fancied he could see lightning in the depths of her green eyes. Or perhaps that was just the lack of air making him see things. He couldn't think properly anymore, and his hands were starting to weaken.

She was terribly strong, far stronger than he thought possible, and he couldn't break free. His eyes were closing and he was prepared to die when suddenly, the fingers loosened and he could breathe again. His eyes flew open - he hoped Miku had returned to her senses, but he saw instead two men, one of them holding a wooden stick and standing next to his sister, who had evidently disobeyed his orders to stay at home. He was glad for her rebelliousness for once, but as he looked at Miku, passed out on top of him, he wondered how she could continue without going insane. Hopefully, she would be back to normal when she regained consciousness.

The men hauled the Guardian up, one of them piggybacking her - Len could not help but feel an irrational sting of jealousy when the man grabbed Miku's legs, her arms flung around his neck - but he knew that he was in no state to carry the unconscious girl himself. He slowly got up with the help of the other man, but when he tried to walk, he stumbled and had to hold on to Rin for support. His head was spinning from the close brush with death, and his lungs greedily sucked in air. He couldn't deny that in those few moments, he had been terrified - and he was scared of his friend. Of Miku.

It made him wonder if the elders were right in trying to cure her with liquid fire. Maybe for something this serious, an equally horrible remedy was necessary. This was all Gumi's fault. He wished the dead Guardian could just leave Miku to do her job, but then he also knew that wishes rarely came true.

* * *

"More," Miku cried, her slender arms reaching out from behind the bars. "I need more...please!" Her voice rose to a shriek, and Len flinched. "I need to forget!" Her screams faded into a soft sobbing, and he couldn't bear to look at her, so broken and defeated.

Her normally smooth, shiny long hair was now matted, strands clumping together and trailing in the prison's filth. Her white dress had turned grey from dust and dirt, and there were streaks of brown on her porcelain cheeks. Her limpid green eyes were pleading, half-mad and half-lucid - she now spent most of her time floating through a drugged, dreamy daze. When there was no alcohol, she wept and sobbed, wishing for more, begging for death.

Len would have reached for her and held her in his arms if he could. He yearned to go to her, clutching desperately at the bars, and wipe the dirt off her face and place a kiss against her forehead. Anything to reassure her that everything would be fine. But the guards would not let him near her. He knew she was not mistreated - they allowed her to bathe and eat and go out for short periods, but she insisted on staying in the cell out of fear of relapse. And, now that she was addicted to moonshine, she refused to even change out of her clothes - she was filthy, completely dependent on drink.

He wished he never brought moonshine back or learnt how to make it. He was tempted to stop brewing the alcohol for her, but the elders would not permit that. Whenever he heard the heart-rending wails of anguish that emanated from the cell, his heart broke and he would go back to his duties. This was only feeding her addiction, but it was the only thing that placated her, and he didn't know what else he could do. He was her friend, and he cared for her as though she was more, but if he did not make moonshine, he would hurt her too.

It had been two weeks since her attempt on his life. Though she did not suffer any relapses, the elders noted with concern that she did not want to fulfil her Guardian duties either. The forests would soon die without their protector, but the Guardian was not fit to work. The elders prayed daily for answers, but without Miku around to interpret the gods' whispers, they were making no progress whatsoever. Right now, the village was holding out for a miracle, and they looked to Len to do something about it. But again, what could he do?

He left the prison, troubled, her wails still ringing in his ears. His nights were fitful and dreamless, and he always woke up thinking about Miku and the situation at hand. He thought about how he could fix things, but save for travelling back in time and preventing himself from learning how to brew alcohol, he couldn't think of a way to save the village. Though the elders tried to keep things positive by speaking of the gods who loved and blessed them, Len could see no sign of divine help and was quite convinced that they were on their own.

It was getting late, so he went home. His mother was preparing dinner and his father was reading the evening papers. Rin was playing with her toys on the rug, in front of the fireplace. It was so peaceful, and he would be glad to be part of this serene scene if the memories of his friend did not remind him of the problems the village faced. There was more to his world than just his family. "How is she, Len?" his mother called, having heard him from the kitchen. Len sighed, closing the door behind him.

"No change," he answered. "I didn't imagine how addictive that stuff could be. I can't even believe she could stomach it for so long. But I guess when you're desperate you'll try just about anything." He hung his coat up and placed his shoes neatly with the rest, pointing towards the wall like how his mother arranged them. He wanted to go upstairs to his room and sleep, he was so tired, but his mother would insist on him having dinner.

"We all feel terrible for her." His father looked up from the papers, his expression solemn. "She was our child for a long time and practically a sister to you. Your mother thinks she could have been more." His father glanced at the kitchen, then lowered his voice, making Len approach him to listen. "I think your mother always hoped that, through some sort of miracle, Miku wouldn't end up being the Guardian and the two of you would marry, but we all know how that turned out."

Hearing that made him hurt. What was the point of bringing this up when they couldn't change a thing? He exhaled, shaking his head, and the two of them exchanged a look - his father held his gaze for a moment before looking back at his papers.

"Are you going to visit Miku tomorrow?" Rin looked up from her dolls. Len blinked, meeting his sister's eyes - she watched him with the uncanny knowing gaze of a child. "I saw a woman this morning! She was looking for Miku. The woman looks a bit like her, they have the same green eyes." Rin added in a wondering voice. "She asked me if I knew where Miku was, but I said only Len gets to see her, so she went back to the forest and I didn't follow her because Mummy said not to follow strangers."

"A woman with green eyes?" their father spoke, looking up from his papers again. He sounded shocked. Rin nodded absentmindedly, more focused on ramming her dolls together than the conversation at hand. "Did she have long black hair too?" Another nod, and the older man's eyes widened. "After so long?" he mumbled. Len, already suspecting who the woman might be but seeking confirmation, tapped his father on the shoulder. The man jumped.

"Who is she?" he asked. If she really was who he thought she might be - he couldn't believe this woman was here, a person he had never seen his entire life but had heard stories about. The strange, mysterious woman no one really spoke to. His father sighed, looking up at him, and their blue eyes met each other in a quiet stare-off, neither side willing to give in and speak first.

Len won in the end, and his father spoke, albeit reluctantly. "Nyx. That's Nyx, Miku's mother. She hasn't been seen here for eighteen years, ever since she agreed to go back to the human world and keep quiet about our village. How could she have found her way back? The first time she came here was through luck and sheer accident. And why is she looking for her daughter? How does she know Miku's name?" His father paused. " _We_ were the ones who named her, not her mother."

"Why is she here?" Len was more concerned about her motives than anything else. Surely it was something to do with Miku - if not, why would the woman be looking for her? Did she come with hostile intentions? Did she want to bring Miku back to the human world to live with her? No, that couldn't be allowed to happen - not just for Len's sake, but also for the entire village. They all needed her magic, the Guardian's protection. This woman could _not_ just take Miku away.

But before either of them could say another word, they heard his mother calling out. "Dinner is ready, come here and get your food!" she yelled, and all three of them - his father, Len and Rin - immediately left what they were doing and traipsed in a single file towards the kitchen. When their mother called, all other activities had to cease.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Len laid in bed, restless as usual. He had been like this ever since Miku got locked in the cell by the elders, fed a constant flow of moonshine and minimal amounts of food. She only ever picked at what was on the tray, longing for her next alcohol fix.

She was becoming emaciated, her bones jutting out beneath her skin. It was painful to look at, and it made the already fragile Guardian look even weaker. Her eyes were too big in her thin face, and if Len was allowed, he would barge into her cell and stick the food forcefully down her throat. How could he just watch her waste away like that?

Besides, she was not ready to give up her position yet - no other green-haired child was born to replace her. And she was too young to stop serving since most Guardians lived for at least two hundred years before passing on. The powers of the gods kept them alive far beyond a man's natural lifespan.

He kept thinking and thinking until his thoughts slipped across the boundary into dreams. Surely he must be asleep now, for suddenly he was out in the forest, which was slowly dying without their caretaker but no less beautiful for that. He had never seen the forest at night before, and the soft moonlight made the trees and leaves look like they were covered in drops of precious silver. He found himself near the hut Miku said the elders were building - after she told him about it, their curiosity had driven them to explore, and they found the dwelling nestled in the heart of the forest, out of sight of the most adventurous villagers.

That time he saw it, the hut was only half-finished, a gaping roof looking out into the open sky. Now, the hut he saw was somehow fully built, and warm orange light flooded out of the windows. It made him think all the more that this _must_ be a dream, but he couldn't force himself to awaken either. In a trance-like state, he walked towards the hut, reaching out to knock on the wooden door. There was silence after the echoes of the knock faded away, and he began to think perhaps no one was home, but then suddenly the door opened and a woman was looking at him.

Green eyes and long black hair. It must be the woman Rin had described. He couldn't help but find her familiar - he had no doubt he had never seen this woman before in his life, but when he looked at her regal stature and her eyes, the same green as Miku's though far more intense, he felt like he had known her since he was born, and perhaps even before that. "I have been waiting for you," she said, and he felt a sudden urge to fall to his knees, in utter awe of her presence. The ring of magic surrounded her words. "It has been eighteen years. You have grown."

He forced his lips to move. "You're Miku's mother, aren't you?" he asked, his voice shaking. She nodded, those deep green eyes piercing him, and he swallowed. He felt almost guilty - it was like she was examining his soul, scanning him for every mistake and sin he ever committed. "Where did you go? You left her alone for eighteen years! And now you're looking for her?" he asked, though he shrank under her sharp gaze. She smiled. It was not a cold smile, but he was still intimidated - she seemed so powerful.

"Yes. I am looking for her because from what I know, she is being troubled by a previous Guardian, one who left the world with bitterness in her heart," she said. He blinked, surprised. She swept her arm around her, indicating the hut. "This place, where I make my dwelling in the land of dreams, was meant for my daughter. The elders foresaw that she might be troublesome, as Gumi was changed following the events of the war. They thought it best to build a home deep in the forest following the Guardian's spirit ritual, in a bid to protect the village from my daughter's possibly volatile tendencies."

He was unsure of what to make of this information. "Who are you, really?" he asked. She continued looking at him with that calm, knowing smile on her face. "If you're able to control dreams, and if you can summon me to you," he looked down at himself, "then you can't be human, right? I don't think even Miku can do that."

The woman laughed. It was not mocking - the sound of it was gentle, like bells pealing in the wind. It reminded him of the silvery moonlight, the way the night breeze swept and caressed his face, a comfortable and pleasant sensation.

"I am Nyx," she answered, her words suddenly filled with the ring of immortal power. He shivered - the very aura of this woman caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand. "The night is my domain." She lifted her arms to the sky. "I am Nyx, Goddess of the Dark, the Night and the Moon!" At the last word, a silvery light burst forth from her, making him throw up his hands to protect his eyes. The brightness quickly faded, becoming a silvery glow that emanated from her skin. He peered at her from behind his hands, and she laughed again.

"The moonshine to cure my daughter," she spoke, "is my light. It is not the alcohol humans produce, though I can see why there was a misunderstanding. She is the daughter of the goddess of the night, and to come fully into her own powers, she needs my moonlight." Nyx waved her hands, and in her palms there suddenly appeared an elegant glass bottle. Within it, faint, silvery light glimmered, and it was mesmerisingly beautiful.

Len stared, unable to prevent himself from reaching out to touch it. Nyx held the bottle back, however, and he stopped himself, retreating into position. The goddess' eyes narrowed. "However, the moonlight does not work on its own. The moon is a loving figure - the symbol of women, of motherhood. To help her, it requires the love of someone who knows my daughter, but unfortunately, due to certain circumstances," her gaze darkened, "I was forced to leave her after her birth. My love for her will not qualify. Are you willing to take my place?" she asked.

He nodded helplessly. How could he refuse such a request, when it was made to him by a goddess and it involved helping the girl he loved? "That's good. I knew I could rely on you." The goddess beamed. "But this sacrifice - the moonlight needs your memories." He stiffened at her words. "From the realm of the gods, I bestow this power upon her, but love is needed to ground her and prevent her from dissolving back into the heavens. Memories of love and being loved, someone who cares for her fully and deeply, someone who would risk anything for her - without that, she would not be able to stay in the mortal realm, which I understand is not what your village would want."

He was running her words through his mind, trying to understand what it was that he needed to give up. Nyx's dazzling smile turned sad, and she sighed. "I would ask your mother, for she looked after Miku in my place and the love of a mother usually qualifies. But I am aware of your feelings for Miku. And it would seem disrespectful not to ask you first since you care for her with all your heart." She paused. "You need not worry, this spell only requires the memories you have of my daughter. Everything else will remain intact, though you will forget who she is and what she means to you. I'm truly sorry, I know it must hurt you, but it is the only way to save her."

Len deliberated. If he sacrificed everything he remembered about Miku, then what would he have left? They had no future together. The most precious memories he had _were_ those of her, and he would hate to let them go. But at the same time, he couldn't be selfish. While he basked in his memories, the real girl was withering into skin and bones, and her mother, the goddess Nyx herself, had come to him for his help. How could he possibly say no?

He didn't want Miku to die, or fade into nothing, not when he knew he could save her. He knew his mother loved Miku as well, but he didn't want her to be the one making this sacrifice - no, if anyone were to save the Guardian, he wanted it to be him. Slowly, he nodded, and the goddess sighed in relief. "Your help is essential to rescue Miku from the manmade influence wrecking her body - the alcohol suppresses Gumi, but it also dampens her magical abilities, and that is not what we want." She passed the bottle to him, and he took it with a grunt - it was surprisingly heavy. "Here, take this moonshine and bring it to the jail tomorrow. Remember to pass it to the girl behind the bars!"

It was strange that she was already referring to Miku as though she was a stranger, but as Len thought about her, the fuzzier the memories of her seemed to become. It was as though the girl he loved was becoming a fairy tale, a story he could not grasp no matter how hard he tried. Thoughts of her faded like water trickling through cupped palms. "When you wake up, you will forget who she is, so let me tell you one thing, the answer to that burning question you've been asking yourself all these years - yes, she loves you too," Nyx whispered. She was already fading away, leaving behind only her voice in the wind.

Happiness surged through him, but he couldn't be sure why because he no longer remembered who this Miku was. He only knew that once upon a time, she was someone precious to him. Why was she no longer precious anymore? He looked at the bottle he held - it grew heavier and heavier as he struggled to remember, and he knew Nyx told him to bring it to the jail tomorrow morning. He wondered if the bottle would still be with him when he woke up.

The silvery moonlight was threaded through with another substance now, something that looked like white silk. He wondered what it was, and why there seemed to be more of it the longer he looked into the bottle. His eyes closed, sudden sleepiness overwhelming him - he felt himself falling into nothingness, and the last conscious thought he had was just the word _love_.

* * *

Hatsune Miku smiled at the boy sitting opposite her. He smiled back tentatively, looking shy. Her heart ached when she saw how far away he sat, as though she was a complete stranger to him when they shared an entire history. When once, she would have done anything to hear him say _I love you_ to her. In the past, it seemed as though there were so many occasions where he almost said those words, when she caught him looking at her with a particular look in his eyes...

"Len," she whispered. He jumped and his smile became nervous. It had been a few months, and he was learning about their past. Her mother, the goddess Nyx, told her that with time, his memories might return, but she shouldn't cling on to that hope. It would be better to create new memories with him instead, so that was what Miku was trying to do. Sometimes, she could fool herself into thinking that the glimmer of recognition in his blue eyes was due to a memory recalled, but that was never the case.

She refused to give up hope though, the same way he wouldn't give up on her in the past. It had been an entire year since the incident with the moonshine.

When she was addicted to alcohol, she remembered nothing but darkness, pain and misery. She lost all concept of time - her days were split into the periods where she had moonshine and the periods where she did not. She liked the numbing effect the drink gave her - no longer did Gumi's whispers pierce through her head, no longer did she feel the urge to strike down the village the same way Gumi witnessed soldiers burning down an entire town - but she also forgot herself. She was just a _being_ , defined only by alcohol. Without her drink, she remembered, and she hated to recall.

One day, while she was curled up and shivering on the floor of her cell, Len came in, carrying a bottle. In it, a silvery substance swirled, and something in her instinctively yearned for it - the bottle drew her in, somehow. It beckoned to her, and the more she stared at it, the more she felt like she was coming home. She reached for the bottle - she didn't notice then how Len flinched back from her, something he would never have done in the past - and, uncorking the bottle, she gulped down its contents.

The airy silver slid smoothly down her throat, soothing the ravages of alcohol. But besides the cooling effect, the moonshine cleared her mind, and for the first time in a while, she felt both lucid and _alone_ in her head. She felt like she was in total, complete control of herself. She looked at her skin and saw that she glowed with a radiant silver light, like that of the full moon, and she gasped in joy - she had never felt more fulfilled. Tears ran down her face, and suddenly she heard a new god's voice in her head, her mother's voice - Nyx, who told her about Len's sacrifice and his subsequent need for her to guide him.

At that, the euphoria abruptly crashed, and she looked at Len with horror - Len, the boy she had known her entire life, who looked after her and took care of her every need. Who hugged her when she was afraid and always told her he would protect her. The boy she knew had, on several occasions, almost kissed her - she saw it in his eyes, the desire to lean close to her and pull her in and tilt her head so that their lips could meet. He loved her wholly, though she never acknowledged it because they had no future together - and he made the ultimate sacrifice for her recovery. He lost all his memories of her. He had no idea who she was.

She approached him from behind the bars. "Len." The boy looked curiously at her, and she swallowed, her fingers gripping the bars tightly - it was only now that she realised just how thin she had become. "Do you know who I am? I'm Miku, remember? We grew up together. You remember me, don't you?" He continued staring at her for a while, and she thought he might actually recall something since he looked at her for so long, his gaze flitting from feature to feature.

Then he smiled, his blue eyes meeting hers straight on. There was no hint of recognition. "I'm sorry miss, but I can honestly say that I have never seen you before in my life."

And that was the first time she knew what heartbreak felt like. People always said it was a figurative thing, that the heart couldn't _really_ break, but then how could they explain the ache in her chest - the line of pain that seemed to radiate down her breast, making her whole body tremble?

"Len," she whispered his name again now, lacing their fingers together. They were in the hut that the elders had built for her, in the heart of the sacred grove. The elders let her go after they witnessed her full recovery, and she had regained all the weight she lost while she was locked away. The elders, upon realising the pivotal role Len played in her recovery, allowed him to make contact with her regularly in an attempt to jolt his memories.

They even hinted that if a relationship blossomed between them, the elders would not interfere - she suspected that, upon realising her mother was a goddess, they respected and feared her more than they ever did before. She was a demi-goddess now, half-god and half-human. She did not know who her father was, and Nyx remained tight-lipped on that, but she would like to find out one day if she could.

Len reacted at the sound of his name. He watched her inquisitively, waiting for her to continue. Hesitantly, she reached for his hand, and he didn't shift away. She was afraid that if she moved too fast she might frighten him, like how deer ran from humans if they approached too quickly. Finally, she placed her hand on his, a familiar gesture she hadn't done in a long, long while. It had been an entire year since the last time, she realised.

There was turmoil on his face. "I wish I could remember you. I really do," he murmured. "You're almost _familiar_ to me. Sometimes, when I look at you, I get flashes of spending time with you, and I know I never felt happier. It always felt like I…" he paused, and she waited patiently for him to continue. He looked her in the eye for a moment, then quickly averted his gaze. "Like I wanted to kiss you," he blurted out, "but something always held me back and I can't remember why or what." She felt her heartbeat quicken at his words. "You make me feel good. Even now, just sitting here with you, I feel so calm. It's like I've known you a long time, Miku."

Her happiness soared with the sound of her name. It had taken him a while to start calling her by name, clearly uncomfortable with calling her Miku when everyone else referred to her as the Guardian. "You did. You knew me all your life," she answered. "If you hadn't sacrificed your memories for me, I wouldn't be here today, and for that, I will always be grateful." Boldly, she squeezed his hand, and to her surprise, he shifted his hand on top of hers, squeezing it back. It felt almost like the good old days. When he had his memories and she was carefree and the two of them were simply happy.

"I want to love you," he said. "I wish I could. I'm trying, I really am." He closed his eyes, looking pained, and he let her go when she pulled away, though this time he seemed reluctant. She walked over to him, and his eyes remained closed - she leant down and hesitated for a moment before she brushed her lips against his forehead. It was a light, gentle, fleeting kiss, and his eyes flicked open in surprise at the contact. There was shock in those deep blue depths. She smiled at him, reaching up to push some of her teal hair behind her ear.

"I hope that helped with your memories," she teased, careful not to say anything too pointed lest he tried to push himself too hard into remembering. He seemed dazed, but slowly, his lips curved into a smile and he looked intently at her - before she could react, he pulled her down to him and let his fingers twine in her hair, keeping her head still as he pressed his lips gently against hers. It was a chaste kiss, no longer than a second or two, but when he parted from her she felt like her face was on fire. She reached up to her lips, stunned by what he did.

"It did," he answered. "It helped a little. Maybe you should do that more," he suggested, mischief in his eyes. She laughed, and he smiled, and the future seemed bright, as bright and mysterious as moonshine. She wondered what else Nyx had in store for her, and imagined that somewhere up in the heavens, her mother was smiling upon them.


End file.
